Wrapping Our Head Around Bad News

I find it repulsive to write our bad news on the internet, but hopefully, putting it here will keep me from having to repeat it over and over.  I would have rather talked to MANY of our friends and family personally, but I CAN'T repeat the bad news.

The Bad News
The PET scan showed cancer in 14 places, including bone and liver.  It’s stage IV, non-small cell, “not-otherwise specified” whatever the hell that means.  Rudy will have “Standard 1st” chemo every 3 weeks.  After 3 months they will evaluate to see if that protocol is working.  There’s a Standard 2nd and a Standard 3rd which can be used if the 1st stops working.  There was more said about chemo and such but my brain (and heart) had left the building and I didn't bother to write any more.

We all – Rudy, me, Linda and Nancy – took in more than we could handle. Nancy had to leave the room, but the rest of us stayed (turned to stone is more like it) and tried to focus.  I think we were hoping for a sentence with a glimmer of hope.  The best that was offered was to work towards living a bit longer and living a bit better – quality and quantity.

After we left the doctor’s office, our emotions were all over the place.  I talked to a few people on the phone last night and I think I even managed to participate in conversations, even though it felt like I wasn't there. If I sounded weird or off or disconnected, it's because I was.  Enough of that.

A Glimmer of Hope

The main information I want to share is that after the news started spreading and so many people prayed for us, at some point Rudy announced with conviction he was not rolling over.  We are going to fight. I burst into tears and felt hope. Maybe it’ll work and maybe it won't, but like Rudy said, we have nothing to lose by trying.  Rudy is strong willed and despite his diagnosis, he is strong in body.  I have enough information about nutrition (and a strong desire to know more) to fight this thing and together, we will, at the very least, irritate the hell out of all the cancer cells.

What We Need

We need continued prayers and love.  We need help.  I’m questioning every single thing I do.  I’m questioning big decisions like if we should jump ship and move to a place where they do more than conventional treatments. I’m questioning small decisions like whether the "nutritious" fruit he eats is turning straight to glucose and going directly to those disgusting cancer cells.  I am changing my mind daily depending on the latest article I've read.  I don't know what to do. I'm mixed up and confused.

Rudy needs help with pain.  One tumor is pressing on a nerve and it’s affecting everything.  There’s a chance that the first chemo treatment will ease that and if it does, it could make a huge difference.  He also needs peace of mind and continued willpower.  We need lots more.  God will know what we need even when we don’t.

For those who have the time or inclination, I am going to begin posting (mostly on our Facebook page) specific things we need help with.  Not everyone will have the time or the knowledge to help with these. If all you do is pray for us, believe me, that's a major help!  Some requests are for the people who are very close to us who have been feeling helpless and not knowing what they could possibly do.  Some are just questions in case anyone has a bit of knowledge about one thing or the other -  a connection, an antidote, advice.  I’m just going to start throwing questions out there because I don't have time to carefully research everything that’s spinning thru my head.

There’s one very specific thing I’d like help with.  It’s a biggie in terms of time. It's something that only those who enjoy this sort of thing will want to do.  If you don't have a "researcher type personality", then pass on this.  I'm sure I'll ask for help in some other way that will suit you better. I would love extra help with reading books focusing on an integrative approach to beating cancer.  I have 4 books I am using to help guide me.  They are highly-rated and each has information and tips that could prove helpful.  I am having a hard time finding the time to read them like they need to be read.  If anyone would like to read any of these and pass along key points and pages I should jump to, I would really appreciate it.  If this is the kind of thing you feel you would be good at, let me know which book you'd like and I'll buy it for you.

The Cancer Fighting Kitchen - This is a REALLY good choice for ANYONE who likes to cook!!!  Cancer or no cancer, there are great tips here!  In the case of cancer,it's particularly helpful for what to eat while undergoing chemo.  If you know anyone else with cancer, this is a FANTASTIC book to gift them!

Beating Cancer with Nutrition - This one has good info. Some bits that I've jumped to are hard to read and requires more concentration than I seem to be able to muster up.  Other bits were helpful and easier to read.  I haven't read enough to fairly judge it.  Read the reviews and see what you think.  

Anticancer: A New Way of Life - Good info.  I know this has major helpful info.

Cancer: 50 Essential Things to Do - I feel hope when I read this.  He beat a stage 4, "30-days-to-live" lung cancer diagnosis.

Beyond that, I hope everyone will try to put negative thoughts out of your brain. We already know this will be a difficult, seemingly impossible task.  We're not stupid. We're not delusional.  But we also know that others with a similar diagnosis have managed remission for 14 years and more.  They've amazed their doctors.  If we could somehow turn this around, perhaps our journey could help others to do the same.  We can only do our best with positive, determined people in our inner circle and positive people praying for us.  We could both use a healthy dose of hope.

PS - Rudy really doesn't want to do a lot of talking to anyone just yet.  This is a lot to wrap his head around and he's trying hard to set his mind on the task ahead.  Pep talks, though well-meaning are just hard.  On the other hand, you can never hear, "I Love You" too often.  And if you need to turn the conversation to something lighter, ask him about his new Dodge Challenger.  He ordered this before he got sick.  It should arrive soon.  He thought about asking the dealer to cancel the order, but I talked him out of it.  It's something that will make him very happy and it might help him every bit as much as good nutrition. I find the name of the car particularly meaningful.

Rebecca Katz and Cancer Fighting Foods

My sweet friend, Shirley, put me in touch with Jaymee, whose husband has been down the cancer road.  She has already been a GREAT source of inspiration, support, and information.

She messaged me yesterday and included a recommendation for the Rebecca Katz book, The Cancer Fighting Kitchen:   "This was my bible throughout Dave's treatment, and there are so many helpful tips here about how to combat that metallic taste that chemo causes at times, nausea, etc. It felt really good to cook him healthy meals from this book."    

I had told Jaymee about how the only thing I felt I had any control over at all was nutrition.  She understood completely.  I have been feeling particularly out of control this past day because of my husband's increasing pain and the appointments that we can't seem to get soon enough.  Jaymee's message was the first thing I saw this morning (on my ipad while still in bed) and it truly put a spring in my step.

The first thing I did was look at the book reviews on Amazon.  Wow!  Here are some comments that jumped out:

• This is the very first book that I have found that every recipe contained in it will help seriously combat the disease while you are dealing with it. 
• The Culinary Pharmacy section in her "Cancer fighting Toolkit" is worth the purchase price alone. It's a virtual encyclopedia of what we're all trying to learn about ingredients that add health-supportive magic to what we slave over in the kitchen.
• This book briefly discusses research that has been conducted with regard to food and cancer, the healing properties of ingredients found in these recipes, strategies for eating before and after treatment, and how caregivers can set up support teams for patients so that no individual feels overwhelmed by the caregiving task.
• From Chapter One's Cancer-Fighting Tool Kit and learning things about the four pantry staples, to easing side effects from treatment to easy recipes to relieving symptoms such as anemia, constipation, fatigue, nausea and vomiting. There is something about everything in terms of easing this tough period of a patients life.
• It is so thorough, filled with concrete helpful tidbits to help ease many of the side effects of chemotherapy in natural ways - which I find more and more people are searching for...
• My dad has been fighting cancer the past six months and chemotherapy has made it a struggle for him to eat due to the fact that nothing tastes good to him. This book has been amazing! He actually looks forward to and asks for things made from this book. Especially helpful are the guidelines given that tell you what to add to a recipe if things are tasting bitter, salty, like cardboard, etc. What I also love is that the food doesn't just taste good but they have meshed it with the science of what someone needs nutritionally to fight cancer.
• The information in the first section -- especially on how to deal with the various ways in which food can begin to taste strange to the patient -- is in itself worth the price of the cookbook.
• What this book is about is helping the cancer patient get the nutrition they need to fight through treatment. As anyone who has been diagnosed with or is a caregiver for a cancer patients knows, nutrition is one of the most complex issues facing them. The patient's tastes will change, the foods they love will be no longer taste "right", and they will have problems with just feeling hungry and wanting to eat. In the longer term, the foods that they find comforting will turn out to be a reminder of their treatment and avoid them.  Where this book really shines is telling you it is OK to eat the things the way you like them. Some patients will like sweet, some salty, some acid, etc., it is OK to eat any of them as long as it helps you eat. There needs to be some basis in nutrition for the food, but if it doesn't taste good to you, you won't eat it.

The Rebecca Katz web page includes some of her recipes.


Here are more of her cancer fighting recipes I found online:

• Magic Mineral Broth - If you try only one recipe, let it be Magic Mineral Broth. I've never liked vegetable broth from cans or boxes, but this is delicious -- as a tea or as the basis for a very simple soup -- in a cup or two of broth, throw in a handful of rice or pasta and cook. When it's ready, add a little chopped greenery -- parsley, celery leaves, green onion tops. I'm amazed at how such a lunch keeps me from being hungry all afternoon.
• Beyond Just Good Cornbread  note - see this link for more comments on this recipe.  
• Gluten-Free Blueberry Mini Muffins
• Cancer Healing Tea - also see link 2 and link 3   According to Katz, this tea is good for fatigue and building white cells.
• Green Tea Ginger Lemonade
• Chicken Vegetable Soup with Ginger Meatballs  (will Rudy eat soup?)
• Sweet Potato Soup - One of my favorites is the sweet potato soup - full of flavor (you'll need to replenish and add to your spice collection)!. I make big batches and freeze in mason jars.
• I heard the Vegetable Pinwheels on page 153 were favorites, but couldn't find that recipe online.  I plan to get the book (today if possible!) but I'm using a couple of these online recipes to make a grocery list so I can start cooking when I get home with the book.  

According to reviews, the recipes are easy to follow, but are not exactly fast-food. One reviewer noted that she made things and froze them so that during times when she was too tired/sick to cook, she could just thaw and heat.  I need to start doing that more.  Rudy doesn't like leftovers, but maybe if I pull something out a week or two later, it won't seem like leftovers.  I sure hope so because I know for a fact that there will be many days that cooking will be really hard.  

Katz has 4 ingredients that she says should ALWAYS be in the pantry: lemon, maple syrup grade B, olive oil and sea salt. Hmmmm.  I thought we were to give up ALL sugar.  However, I have read amazing things about REAL maple syrup in the past.  In fact, several years back I went on a kick of only using maple syrup to sweeten things after researching it.  So maybe I need to reconsider.  I can't wait to get her book to read more about her take on maple syrup and sugar.

And once again, Jaymee, THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You pulled me out of a pity party and put my focus right back where it needs to be.

Major Life Changes

Rudy's lung cancer diagnosis changed EVERYTHING and at the same time seems to have clarified my priorities.  We have been too close to the trials of cancer twice now with loved family members.  One did well.  The other didn't make it.  We know all too well what we're facing.  We're at the beginning of what I call the roller coaster ride (plenty of ups and downs).  Treatment will get underway soon.

I have hit bottom several times - so low I felt bizarrely numb.  It was a very odd feeling (or rather non-feeling) that I'd never experienced before. Looking back I think I had literally scared myself into some kind of mind-numbing state.  But I seem to have come out of it and am feeling stronger and more positive than I ever suspected I could.  There are MANY people praying for us and that is the only thing I can attribute my strength to.  My husband is being an absolute rock.  He's not afraid for himself.  He only gets emotional when he thinks of others, especially me.  So, yeah, I NEED to be strong.

All in all, we are being positive.  When riding this roller coaster, there are very few things you can control.  One thing that is under our control is nutrition.  Instead of researching the disease itself, which scared the hell out of me, I have researched things we could do to complement medical treatment.  The biggest thing is nutrition.  We've dropped all sugar and cut out almost all processed foods.  Some people may think I'm imagining things, but it seems like it's already making a difference.  Or maybe that, too, is prayer.

I have created a new page on this blog with information about the food we are eating.  I have IBS and my husband has cancer.  Our meals are meant to nourish and heal us both.  The page is definitely not complete, but you are welcome to peek.  Eating for Cancer and IBS     

Also, I have created a "Rudy and Denise" Facebook page to keep friends and family updated along our journey.  Join if you like.  I hope it will be positive and filled with tips I discover along the way.  We are SOOOOO determined to be a success story.