Rudy and Denise: Memory of Joy

Friday, October 9, 2015

Memory of Joy

I was reading on one of my favorite widow blogs today and her post absolutely nailed the source of my grief. She said the memory of joy was the most painful. That's it! That's what turns on my faucet of tears every time - a memory of something wonderful.

Today, I was thinking about how Rudy always said I was easy to please. He would get me something small on a whim and it tickled him at how thrilled I would be. A million little things he gave me over the years popped into my head. Just the thought of them still makes me happy... and so, so sad.

Life Can Change on a Dime

In October, 2014 my husband, Rudy, went to the doctor for what he thought was a mild case of bronchitis and it turned out to be stage 4 lung cancer. He passed away peacefully at 9:15am on May 7th, 2015. We had been married 36-1/2 years. I lost the love of my life.

We had lots of support from family and friends while Rudy was ill and those people have continued to support me as I try to make sense of life without Rudy.

This blog was originally started as a way to keep our loved ones informed of Rudy's journey. It became my journal. I had a hard time talking about how I was feeling, but writing about my feelings helped so much - it was a conversation with myself. If my friends want to know how I was doing and they were tired of hearing me say, "I'm OK", they could look here. But more than that, I found that this journal was help for others on a similar journey.