Friday, June 12, 2015

Messages on the Radio

It's amazing how often a song comes on the radio that seems like a direct message.  It seems to happen to me mostly in the car. Today, as I was doing a number of errands, my mind was wandering all over the place, mostly missing Rudy and feeling real sorry for myself.  In the midst of it all a song came on I'd never heard before, with words I feel sure I was meant to hear.

There were several parts of the song that I found especially meaningful -

...I don't take my life for granted
I'm gonna hold on tight
To what I've been handed

...I'll try not to complain
About the things I have lost
Cause when you have something great
That just means there's a greater loss

...So when you look at yourself
Tell me who do you see
Is it the person you've been
Or the person you're gonna be

...Why don't you hold on tight
To what you've been handed
Cause you just don't know how long you will have it.

That song was big nudge to me to stop thinking the way I have been thinking lately.  I seem to be stuck in a dark place where I honestly can't picture what my life could possibly be like without Rudy.  The song didn't take that feeling away, but it at least nudged me to try.

Once the song was over, I immediately questioned myself.  Was this song really a sign?  Or am I just so crazy that I'm seeing signs everywhere?  Maybe I'm just grasping for something.  If that's the case, then the very next song that played knocked me right over the edge.

There's a John Prine song that always gave Rudy a big chuckle.  He always said he wanted it played at his funeral.  We actually considered doing just that and most people who knew Rudy well would have gotten a kick out of it, but it wouldn't exactly have been in good taste.  It's on one of Rudy's CDs, but hearing it on the radio is a pretty rare occurrence.  It was the very next song that played.  OMG.

So.... do I believe in signs?  Yes I do.  Call me crazy.  I don't care.  Rudy continues to make me laugh.   Between tears.