Sunday, March 22, 2015

Nervous as a CAT SCAN

I'm getting a little nervous about our appointments this week.  Rudy has a cat scan one day, then the next two days, he'll see four different doctors - his oncologist, his radiologist, his pulmonary doctor and his pain management doctor.  The most important meeting will be with his oncologist, Dr. Thompson.

Dr. Thompson will tell us what she thinks after seeing the results of the scan.  I'm praying for good news, but truthfully, I don't even know what exactly to hope for.  If his scan shows improvement, that's good, but it might keep him from going into the immunotherapy program. (I don't know that for sure.)  On the other hand, if the scan doesn't show improvement, then that means Rudy is getting worse.  I couldn't possibly wish for that, right?  But is that what we have to have in order to get into the immunotherapy program?  And don't even get me started about the worry of somehow missing out on that program altogether!  What if he can't get in?  What if it's closed?

With every big appointment we've had on this journey, I've tried to have an upbeat attitude.  I've worked hard to squash down fears and let positive thinking rule.  Almost every time, I've had the rug pulled out from under me.  My new strategy is avoidance.  I try not to think about it.  Nothing I think will change the outcome.  I haven't been able to anticipate most of the things that have happened.  It seems something crazy and unanticipated is always waiting around the corner.  I've come to terms with the fact that, in this situation, I have very little control. We're being swept off by a tidal wave and I have no idea where we'll end up.  By the way, I've referred to me through this paragraph because Rudy has acted incredibly strong.  If he's worried, he's doing a great job of hiding it.

We could really use lots of prayers.  Please pray for a good outcome, whatever that is.  We really could use some HAPPY!  I don't want us to come away from our appointments scared or disappointed, or worse, in shock.  We've had enough of all of that.

Now, I'll quit thinking about it and switch to happier topics.

Our sweet friends, Susan and Rick Holcombe gave us a bucket of fun!  Just look at all the fun things they packed in that bucket.  There's certainly plenty there to distract us!

Hack Hack Hack update - Claritin to the rescue.  Rudy's hacking and gurgling issues were way beyond acceptable. I used to have horrible allergies and many bad winters with bronchitis and I've never seen anything like this.   I have been particularly concerned about how he'd be able to get through the 3 long days of appointments this week.  We decided to try out the Claritin today.  He usually gets that around chemo time, so it should be just fine.  He only took it 3 or 4 hours ago, so I'm not ready to declare it a success, but he sure has improved so far!  Of course, we'll discuss it more with our doctor this week to see if that's the best thing to do.